Let's hope there is only one for the day.
Taco fucking Tom.
I gave him two options: Marry me? or Move one. There wasn't a 3rd choice. There was ZERO option for us to carry on and be friends. Only 2. I think I have been clear what he means to me as a person, and he is a VERY good person, BUT, there cannot be friendship after this. This is one of those things I like to call a dealbreaker. It's a deal breaker for me. Marry me or move on. Don't not marry me and still want us to carry on, we've been doing that. I'm over that. I won't go into the ramp of why I am over it, because I have already done that. What I will say this morning is, he MUST think I am mentally challenged, as I am sitting here thinking he is mentally challenged.
Texting me this morning, "Happy 4th of July". Which one of us is stupid here? Someone tell me. Cause I haven't heard a peep out of him since the marry me or move on situation. Someone please tell me why, when I gave you 2 options, you come up with this one? If I had to think like a dude, I would think he is just testing the waters. Wrong play. He needed to pick one of the options and we go from there. Not this. I am not going to respond to him. This may actually be the first time ever that I have not responded to him. His lack of response all these days is a response, and I have been oddly o.k. with that. I want to move on from this. That is where my mind has been. I think I said it a few days ago on my blog, he wasn't ever going to marry me, so I have just been re-programming to that. Pretty successfully too.
Last night, I had a very fleeting thought that if I pull the trigger on this asset sale that he could use the space as a pop up to make money until my truck season ends (because the asset sale is on the same road as his space). He could pay me a % of his sales, which would cover the rent. Very. Fleeting. Thought. I pushed it right out of my mind. That is something married people would do. Hahahaha. This is all so ridiculous to me actually. Why a man would think, for 3 plus years, a woman wouldn't want to pull the trigger one way or the other? Why he thinks I am incapable of just walking away? People have always told me that my behavior with men is more like a man behaves than a woman. I turn and burn. I fuck without feeling. He got me caught up in him somehow, but I can walk away. And I def can walk away once I see there is no mutual value in it.
One of the things I prefaced to him was that it bothered me that if he or I died tomorrow that neither one of us would be on anyone's call list to inform. That line alone proves it doesn't bother him, when it has been 9 days. I really could give two shits if I don't hear from him in 9 days, we have gone much longer than that, but when I make that point, and nothing comes of it...I think that is very telling. So fuck his Happy 4th of July nonsense. I am going to work. Going to keep crushing it in the truck. And go about my business. There wasn't a 3rd option. Only 2. And just because he doesn't like either of them, doesn't mean he gets to create a 3rd that I don't like, because that 3rd is a dealbreaker for me. And he knows it.
Women and Men CANNOT be friends after they have done naked things. Or rather, they can, but only until the man finds a new women, and she is an insecure human, and then that friendship becomes trash. Which in my experience, is way worse of a feeling than just letting him go.
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