It is almost 11 p.m. on Sunday night, and I need a snack. I have been so on task today, but I have not had enough food I don't think. I am actually very bad at taking care of myself. I am a ball of nerves going into this week. I haven't cranked out an 80- hour work week in months, and I am totally capable of doing it, but for some reason I am nervous about it. This week starts off a stretch of days. My next scheduled day off is June 14th, but the reality is, and I know it, that probably won't happen.
Food trucking is finicky business. Feast or famine and I am usually on the feast side. And then you add in non-truck catering and I am in a whirlwind of things. It's such a little paradox, my online presence and my real life. I am the same person. I am who I am, but the worlds are VERY different. Obviously.
With that said, here is the low down this week and probably beyond. I will be online as I can. Any streaming time, G-rated or naked streams will be posted on twitter. Onlyfans for the naughty. Snapchat for the daily. Email for gift cards cause you love and miss me.
Taco Tom is working 2 shifts with me this week...because I really need the staff and he really needs the money. I feel a type of way about that, after I already had asked him to do it. I had thought, if he said yes, I would grow a pair of balls and ask him to make a video of our naughty time. Then I realized that I am paying him to work for me. And that feels a type of way that I don't think I am o.k. with. I may very well wear a pair of pasties that I was gifted and give him a good teasing, but I think while we are on the clock, I'm going to have to stick with work. I am also having some feelings about paying him to work for me. I don't have an issue paying him to work for me. I pay lots of people to work for me. I just think this changes things. The other times he has worked with/for me, it was in exchange for a favor that I had done for him, not money. As hard as I hustle, you would never guess, I am not a huge fan of money. Or maybe it is just some weird thing about money and him. I think that is it.
I think I have resolved, as I mentioned in a prior post, that I am just going to settle into this whole situation of not buying a house and the truck and life. I am just going to focus. So many days I would try to bounce out of work early to get online or do phone sex to earn some extra money or unwind in that special type of way. I think I have to stop that. I am in the re-evaluation plan of life right now. Limbo. I hate it. But the easiest way for me to ignore it, is to work in the truck. As much as I say I don't love the truck, I am six years in, and man have I created something with it. Did you know? I have an entire wall in my office of cards/thank yous/affirmations from customers that I have served. I have worked/done lots of things in my life, but the pride you get in doing this (when people aren't awful) is really something special. I have worked hard at it. I built one truck, so now there can be 4. It's insane really. But it isn't something I ever wanted. Some people, they really want to do what I do. I never did. It was an opportunity. I took it. And I ran with it. And this week is an example of how hard I have worked to get it where it is. But I don't want it to be more than this now. I think anything more is just me killing myself for something I never wanted. Maybe someday I should do what I really want. It just won't be this week, or this summer, or the fall. My dance card is already full for all of that time.
In my resolve, I think I have also resolved (some from watching Taco Tom struggle) that the diner I always wanted, that I say I don't want anymore, maybe I always will want it, unless I do it. I don't have to do it forever, just enough to say I did it. But I still have to get through this year first. Wish me luck. Don't forget me. Don't hate me if I am not naked every time you see me online. Just know I am trying, and this stretch of work isn't good-bye, it's see you next time (sooner than later).
xoxo
Jenni
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