I did the sex...

Total lapse in judgement, or not. Who knows. Who cares.

Taco, fucking, Tom.

I can't even say how it happened. He sent me a picture of his walk-in put together the other day. My HVAC friend helped him put it together. I was happy for him. One step closer to his dream. I realized I missed being happy for him. Seeing him have small victories.

I asked him yesterday if he wanted to go on vacay with me. I knew he couldn't go. I even suggested to him that maybe I have developed a fetish around him telling me know. Maybe I liked it. He asked me if he would see me before I left. I said I really didn't know.. I really didn't know. Then...he ended up at my house. We did the sex. I asked him if he had been practicing because he lasted longer than normal AND a whole new position too. Whole new world. I am not sure how he took that. I'm not sure how I meant it.

When he left, I laid in my bed and knew that it is only a matter of time before we are back in the same place of me needing him to "marry me or move on". One of the last things he said to me before he left, very deliberately, was that he doesn't have any money. Immediately, I wanted to say, "you know I don't care", but I didn't say anything...because if that is why he won't marry me, he needs to say that's why.

Isn't that funny though. I really don't care. As a person, a friend, or anything...I really don't care what someone has, doesn't have, status, or position. I just like people who are people. If he doesn't know that by now...We did the sex. It was nice. Unique. Different than it has been. But it is just what it was.

In other news: My sister, brother-in-law, and mother have covid. We will see how far that spreads I guess. My dad, shocker, was going to advise my sister (cause we don't talk) that maybe she should be the one to go and help my mother since they both have it, and I don't. I really hadn't even thought of that as I was trying to figure out how bad this will be. She can't really care for herself like that. She can't take tylenol every 4 hours on her own for her fever. Meals on wheels didn't come today. She can't prepare her own food. Her daily caregiver won't go because she has covid.

Selfishly, I thought about my vacay. I just want my vacay. Good vibes for everyone please.