I still haven't ordered the new eyeglasses. Maybe tomorrow. Otherwise, I am on the mend and feeling really good. I got all the Christmas shopping done and put up a small tree. I still need to procure a birthday cake but will most likely make the picky birthday boy cupcakes.
I don't think I mentioned before, and it vaguely came up on stream this morning...Taco Tom. I saw him the day before my surgery. We did not have sex (sadly). He came to visit me. Per the norm, he is a very peculiar situation for me. Sex is not really what keeps us in this situationship. But it is. Because if we don't do those things, he knows I won't maintain that friendship. I don't know what will happen when my doctor lets me have sex. I wasn't 100% before, so it didn't bother me the infrequency of that, but now...I am feeling like I want to make up for lost time and I just don't think he is up for that challenge. I wish he was, because I really do like him and his dick, but I don't think he is and that's o.k.
I've been thinking a lot about before I met him. How much naked fun I would have. I used to think he slowed me down in a good way. Now I don't know what I think. Who knows. He is a staple in the blog. You'll know when I decide.
As for mother, fuck my whole family for not picking up the slack of me convalescing. And also fuck my adult niece for thinking she is a voting partner in the process of things. It made me realize that as much as I would like and had planned on taking my mother home, I most likely cannot do that. I would be forcing my mother to give up people she loves and that love her. I cannot tolerate the bullshit of people who haven't done anything thinking they have a voice.
I feel a little shame for feeling that, and shame isn't normally something I entertain. I can sacrifice my overall life to care for my mother, but I absolutely cannot sacrifice my mental health and those fuckers' chip away at it. Feeling that "shame" is something I will have to find a way to endure, I think.
I am shocked that I have kept it all together like I have, 17 months since her stroke. I had a record sales year with the truck. Procured a 2nd truck to start 2023. Have provided for and helped in her care and recovery. Tried to be a better person and friend to those in my life and tried to be a better mom to my kids. I've done o.k. But what will I do now? I don't know.
With the holiday's RIGHT around the corner, I hope you all enjoy the good things in your own lives. I plan to. It looks like winter is headed straight for the buckeye state and many others over the next few days. Stay warm, stay safe, and I will see you online soon!
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