Fuck being thrifty. I work hard. I need a break. So I did it. I booked a little trip in December. I woke up this morning, fresh as a daisy and more motivated than I have been in a long time.
I am actually authentically smiling. I have missed that.
I had a nice long talk with a work friend of mine yesterday, while I was winterizing the food truck, and of all the therapy and all the other friends who love and support me, what he said to me make the most sense. "Jenni, I am too selfish to do what you are doing". He says, " I like my time". The thing about him and I is that we are very similar. Very similar. We both work obsessively. At this point in both of our lives, our kids are grown, and that hard work is for us now, in a way. To be able to do what we want, when we want.
I have always said, I do what I want, when I want. This idea that I have to check in with people now and coordinate time and schedules for my mother, this is not the life I am used to living. The idea that I can't just hop on a plane whenever I want is suffocating to me. What if my job wanted to send me away again for 4 months. I would go. I wouldn't even bat an eye about it. I have always been able to do these things, and as unfortunate as what happened to my mother is...I have to let up on the pause button of my life, and go again.
Or I will suffocate.
I wish I could pack today and go tomorrow, but soon enough...the tickets have been booked.
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