The struggle is real

As a side note funny - unrelated until I typed it out, that used to be what I had Taco Tom's contact in my phone "the struggle is real", because every time he called or texted, I sighed. I have turned him back to his real name, since it isn't like that with him anymore.

Moving on...the struggle is so real right now. I have no idea where my grit and drive has gone this winter, but fuck I seen to be in a permanent state of some weird purgatory. My vacations were great, but when I am home, I am lost.

I have been doing a LOT of doom scrolling. Wasting hours that I used to be highly productive. I am struggling to focus on the truck season ahead. I have gained a few too many pounds over the winter and the gym is the last place I want to be, but I at least "was" trying to do that. Was being the operative word. I don't know what happened, but I need to snap out of it.

I try to be engaging when I am online, but I have mostly been hanging on the PHONE SEX LINE I don't have to be "on" until the phone rings. Someone said during my stream tonight that they didn't even think phone sex could possibly be a thing in today's world, but it definitely is, and most days, I make a considerable amount on the phone than I have ever thought of on cam. Some days when I plan to stream, I will be logged in for phone sex before and then the calls will just be back-to-back, and it is hard to stop doing that to log into CB and make $12 in 2 hours. Obviously, some days are different, but I have never been a crazy token earner, and I don't run my streams like that, but...

I do need to manage my online time differently right now, Income vs. time. I do that on the truck with every booking, I should probably be doing it here too.

I have been listening to a lot of audio books this year and am coming away with a lot of good mental info. One of those nuggets was to stop multitasking. I do that a lot with camming. I would work/stream, office/stream, metal box/stream. I need my focus to be better. I may still sprinkle in some office/work stuff, but I am far more productive focusing on one thing at a time these days. Bear with me! I kind of just hanging on at this point.

I have a $68k bill coming up in October and it is stressing me the fuck out. Maybe I should have led with that. The hustle is harder than ever right now. If you see me yawning it is because I haven't been sleeping very well the last few months (worse than ever before), and because I am just perpetually exhausted (as always). If I am not being a trucker boss, I am most likely sleeping or side hustling and that is how it will go until October. If I can bring in an extra $250/day, for the next 210 days, I will have $52k and the lion's share of the bill is paid without depleting other resources. Except, I don't have 210 days because my son is moving back home the end of April. Bear with me...the mind is heavy.