I took today off from streaming and worked on getting my life together.
Christmas was exhausting and NOT at all in the good way. Taking my mother home for Christmas was A LOT of work. But I'm not a quitter. It poured down rain. I got soaked, she got soaked. Among other things. My birthday boy was under the weather. Both my boys slept on the floor at my mom's house for the better part of the day.
I did get the most awesome pair of TuPac socks from my son, and a hand towel that says "don't be a cuntalope". My people know me so well. I avoided a felony assault charge on my sister, but that could change.
All and all I woke up pretty enthusiastic this morning. Mainly because yesterday hit home the message that something has to change. I have to change.
In the last 5 months, I have worked non stop at one job/hustle or another. I have spent almost every single day helping care in my mom's rehab from her stroke. I have been a mom, a boss, daughter, friend. What I haven't done is been I person. I haven't eaten regular meals. I haven't been to the gym. I almost never sleep. I have missed countless birthday's, baby showers, baby births of friends, work meetings, sales opportunities. I am deteriorating as a human being. This stops today.
I went to the gym this morning. I have missed that. I went to the grocery store. Made myself dinner before 9 p.m. I plan on going to work in the morning, and actually going to work again on a regular basis. I downloaded 5 calendars for all the things in my life that require time management and will unveil that in a few days. I started working on that a few nights ago. I started it working non stop again, so now I need to revamp it. Will you all still love and adore me if I work on myself for a while? I don't know how not to be going at warp speed all the time, but this variation of warp speed has proven very unhealthy for me. It has to change, or I will be a shell of a person.
I told my FWB when he was here a few weeks ago that I didn't like who I am anymore. I don't like how I feel. I have a lot of anger in my heart. He said " I don't like who you are right now either". I respect him saying that, because I am not the same person he met almost 3 years ago. I'm not. I want her back. Wish me luck.
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