Emotionally drained. Physically rested. Stopping myself from opening the food truck laptop. Overall bored out of my mind.
The 411. I survived medical sedation. Although you all knew I would, it was like my only fear in life. Waiting for sedation was like anxiety times 1000, but I am lucky to have the best ride or die cousin, nurse, best friend, in the entire world. I think for most of the time that people asked me questions that day, my answer was "i don't know". How do you feel? I don't know. Did whatever we just pumped into your i.v. make you relax? i don't know. Are you o.k.? I don't know. Worst patient ever is the award I get. When it was over and I opened my eyes, I just wanted to know what time it was. Then the questions again. Do you want a drink? I don't know. Do you want to see what we removed from you? I don't know. Do you want us to go get your cousin? YES! That was the only question I could answer.
All in all, it didn't kill me. Hahaha.
My cousin came home with me, spoiled me, gave me a manicure, and also made me realize what a hard person I am to know and love. I've spent my life saying I don't need anyone or anything. I can just do it all myself. If she wasn't the exact same, ride or die wouldn't work for us. The reality was, I don't think I needed her to stay with me for as long as she did, but I am glad she did. I may have realized it was nice to pump the breaks on the alpha woman situation and just accept the kindness, company, and care.
I feel like now I am in a bit of a fog. What is left to be afraid of? And then that sends my overthinking mind into 1000 other questions. What's next being the big one. The Jenni you know, and love wants to hop on a plane and head to the beach. That is always what is next. Although I am still waiting on the biopsy results, I was never worried about that too much, so this is a weird state to be in. I want to be on a plane.
I probably could have done some side hustle work yesterday, but I didn't. I think I just need the few days to take it all in. I have had this situation for 3+ years and it is weird to be without it. Physically, I really do feel fine, but I have medical restrictions, and I am going to be a good patient, until I'm not. I can't even swim for 30 days, let alone the other things.
I had put off anything Christmas related, and now I am realizing I have a week to care about that stuff. I am really not supposed to be putting in a lot of steps either right now, but I think I may go to the bookstore this morning. I usually get everyone a book for Christmas. I haven't been to an actual bookstore probably since COVID. If I don't accomplish the rest, I can at least do that. If anyone has any suggestions of LARGE print magazine that I could get for my mom to skim through, recommendations welcome. My son's birthday is also Christmas Day, so I need to work on that also. Bright side: I have time. Downside: I am struggling to get with the program. I clearly, obviously though I wouldn't survive medical sedation. You would be surprised to know the things I put off spending money on so that my banks accounts would be fuller for my kids (beneficiaries). My new glasses were one of those things. Jesus, I need to be able to see, but I didn't want to spend $300 on them if I was going to expire during medical sedation. That seemed wasteful.
Any who, I plan on being online Monday, if I don't appear sooner AND thank you guys so much for checking in, messages, coloring books, and general well wishes. I really appreciate it.
xoxo
Jenni
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