Oh Monday

Today was not a great day. But it also was not complete shit either. I woke up on time. Good job Jenni. I have been having a major oversleeping problem lately. Not today though. I had a fun time on CB this morning for the G rated stream. Per the norm lately, made a few new friends and a couple tokens. I had lunch with a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while. I was home by 2 p.m.

In between all of those good things, my mother called from the nursing home. She is approaching her release date and chomping at the bit to go home, go home, go home. There is a LOT of disfunction there. My mom's siblings live in Maryland, and my sister is a cunt. I work 80 hours a week for the majority of the year.

I live by the motto "teamwork makes the dreamwork". I understand no one can do/be everything all the time. Family is tricky. In my world, my personal world, I picked my teammates. My friends, my employees, my peers. Your family. You don't pick them, and if I am being really honest, I wouldn't have picked this bunch. They are NOT team players.

For the better part of the day, every hour or so, my mom would call and ask me what is going on. Guess what guys? I don't know what is going on. I do know there is an expectation of me to care for her when she goes home. But here is what happens when you don't communicate your plans to me, I can't really help you. No person can just be delegated tasks that they have no way to fulfill entirely. So my mom calls, and calls, and calls. I am forced to be her emotional stabilizer. You know what that does? It depletes me. I have no answers for her. I have no answers for myself. This may be one of the greatest tragedies that I experience in my life, for so many reasons. Mostly because I alone cannot give her what she wants or needs and no one is willing to help, even a little. I question humanity every day at this point. I didn't even have a relationship with my mother before this, and the people that did, have abandoned her. In who's world is that right or o.k. She's still a human being.

I feel so grateful every single day for the good people in my world. The people who have been through some shit with me and I trust to be by my side until the end. People I know, who haven't and wouldn't abandon me if I were at a low point in my life and needed them. I know my team.