Earlier this week, Pharmacy Phil reached out to me on linkedin. Do you guys remember Pharmacy Phil? He was who I was diddling when I started camming. He is the BJ and the fucking clips you may have seen. He was a good time. Until he wasn't. Or maybe it was that Taco Tom pushed him out of the way. I still haven't talked to him. It isn't really a priority to me. The last time I saw him was right after I got back from Florida in the beginning of COVID. I had me some welcome back sex with him. But...he wasn't honest with me at the time, which is ironic since he was married when I met him. I don't have ill will about it, what I mostly think at this point is that I could really use a good fucking, and he does fit that bill.
Then we have Taco Tom, who has completely ignored the last 3 texts I have sent him, other than him texting me for Mother's Day. Today he went to work for my dad. I haven't told my dad that he hasn't been responding to me, because I know my dad really needs the help, and I told Tom and my dad, regardless of him and I, they could keep each other. I hold no claim to anyone. And my general want for him to be happy, is bigger than him not texting me back. It doesn't change anything for me.
There has never, in 4 years, been a convo about fucking or not fucking other people. Pharmacy Phil...it's complicated. I have overthought this in the last few days. Phil and I are not a long term situation. Maybe 4 years ago that seemed like something. I am different today. I highly doubt he is. He needs to have a flashy car and a 500k house. I will never be that person. Never. Tom, on the other hand, I could see next to me for the rest of my life. Is it fair of me to fuck Phil, knowing that I genuinely love this other human? I think it is, as long as I tell him...he is just a filler, not a forever. I don't see Tom and I together forever, but for me, it is a much more intimate situation. Phil and I, I can tell him anything. He is a zero judgement zone. We had such good conversations that were honest and transparent. Tom and I, we had great conversations about work and life, and more things that we get about each other. I accept him for who he is, and I think he accepts me for who I am. Phil would always want to change me. To fall in line with his social norms. Social norms that I don't have an interest in.
The bottom line really is that I need a good fucking. I am not saying Taco Tom can't be that, but he can't when he isn't responding to my texts. Some people want to be wanted. I don't really need that. I just need/want, what I want, when I want it, and right now, I want a naughty romp before the festivals start. This could get interesting.
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