So, today was a long ass work day, which I was happy to partake in. I have missed working. Here is the rub though. Brace yourself. I really struggle to enjoy certain aspects of my job, and tonight was one of my least favorites. For starters, it was cold as balls outside. I commend all of you who work outside daily. I recognize that I am shielded and act like a spoiled brat about it, but I just don't ever like to be cold.
Next, I really hate being a character. It is such a big part of my job, playing a role. I say at least once an event..."who have I become". It eats away at you. But I am so good at it.
A few years ago, I was working with one of my drivers and I was center stage with guests and I just stopped. Stopped talking to event guests and looked at my driver in front of everyone and said, "jesus, how do you even keep coming to work when you have no idea who I will become". He says "Jenn, do you need me to take over", and I said "nope", and I just turned back to the crowd and kept doing it. A part of my job has caused me insanity, so mostly now, i do it by myself. If I have to go out and do these events, I do them by myself.
Most of tonight, I just kept thinking that I would much rather be at home taking phone sex calls or hanging on chaturbate, It isn't sex work, per say, it is anything other than what I do. Today took so much out of me. It is mentally exhausting to work events and always have on a game face. I face I don't even recognize anymore. One thing is for sure though, I have impeccable service skills, no matter what I am doing.
Tomorrow I have a zoom meeting, then a friend of mine wants to hang out for the day. I think I might just do it, but then I think...the more money I make on the side hustles, the shorter amount of time I have to keep this career of mine before I take a leap and do something I love. Who knows what I will do.
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