I am in a state of exhaustion. Since I got back from vacation, it has just been a non stop string of things. This week, the 7 day work week, has been too much, and I have two days left. Tomorrow is going to be bonkers and I should have been in bed an hour ago.
But...I re-downloaded tinder the other night. I got caught up with this guy, that I will probably never meet and did some masturbating tonight with him. A little phone fun. Some pic exchanging. My son is gone for 4 days with his dad, and I just really wanted to go wild. I am just too tired. This sucks and it might be depressing me a little bit. I used to be so carefree and fun.
Wednesday I am scheduled to have my MRI for this upcoming surgery. Yay! You might catch me streaming from the metal box tomorrow morning to finesse some tokens for the insurance deductible. Just another one of life's little nuances.
You may also catch me Sunday if I blow off work for the same purpose. This potential tinder match is out of town until Sunday, so any maybe fun there, won't be until Sunday night. My son said if they get back late he will just stay at his dad's. Here is to hoping. And to hoping that I crawl out of my own mind and just do it. It may be just what I need to get back in the saddle. Taco Tom really fucked me in the fun department. He wasn't really "fun"
In other random things of the week, I think I have mentioned that I am deathly afraid of sedation for surgery. I went and saw one of my food trucker friends the other day and he really reached into my mind about that. He had a heart attack a few years ago in his restaurant and has had many procedures since that have required sedation. I don't even know how he made me think I am no longer fearful of it, but he did.
The lesson for the week: come to me as I am. And right now, I've had better days. Come at me slightly broken and the results will be better for everyone.
The mom situation: Fucked. She has been brainwashed by my uncle and sister and I have snapped on the caregiver, the neighbor, and my uncle this week over this nursing home situation. The problem is, I can't stop it. I can't stop it because I know I have to have this surgery and I will be in no position to take on the care she will need alone if I push keeping her in her home. I will need to focus on taking care of myself. It's almost like they timed it perfectly so I wouldn't be able to put up a fight. It is guilt that I have no business having, but I do.
Good vibes to make it through a 12+ hour Saturday. I appreciate you!
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