I didn't forget the dads

Happy Father's Day to all that it applies to!

I don't have the best relationship with my dad, but I sure do love the fuck out of him. I also way loved the fuck out of my grandfathers. If you have spent any amount of time in my room, you have probably heard me say that I really love elderly men. I am sure it is because I miss my grandparents madly, because I had the best grandfathers that I child/young adult/adult could ever wish for.

I called my dad early this morning and wished him a happy father's day. It felt slightly unauthentic. It was what is was. I don't know how to repair some of the history there, but I know that he loves his family. My therapist (yes, I have one, and elderly male one) says I probably need to cut ties with my dad all together is I want to be a healthy human being, but I can't do that. He is my dad.

The moral to that story is, no matter if you hopped on a plane to surprise your dad, visited his headstone, got drunk trying to forget him, saw him and gave him the same hug you would have given him as a 5 year old, dad's are just human. We all are. And as I always say to my kids, you know what, before I had you, I had never been a mom before. Even today, things that teenage boys do, I have never been the mom of a teenage boy before I was your mom, cut me some slack, love me, hate me, but just know, I've done my best. You never get time back. No matter what my feelings towards my dad is on the daily, I will love him until the day one of us dies and beyond, because I know...he was never a dad before he was my dad. None of us are perfect. I know he did his best.

Last year, I was fucking my fwb on father's day, and he came to my house on father's day. He had a wife and 2 kids at home, and my mind was blown that they weren't missing him on father's day. I kept asking him, like, how could they not do anything for you? How are they not missing you right now? IDK if that was maybe just the pre-divorce way of things in their house or what, but I don't care too much for my kids' father, but you can bet your ass they showed him love and respect on father's day.

So I hope that all you daddy's got the love you deserved and spent the day in the best way you could have for whatever your situation.